Not underestimating the tough economic times, heads of Liberty City have enlisted fellow transients to run amuck collecting and pillaging. Some gluttonous bastards will just horde orbs and power-ups for themselves, but we won’t name any names because all here are in the Holliday spirit. Speaking of which, its that time again as shown by Azeroth’s randomly decorated environments. Illidan promises no shortage of Santa Hats [+1 look like an asshole] either.

Not contributing to the effort are those rated E class full of useless character talents waiting for everyone else to do the work.

Playstation 3 gamer AzzidToejam stepped away to nuke a hot pocket (in real life) only to come back to a scene of sheer horror. Stripped from the shelves were his latest accomplishments and sense of pride. Everything from the Complete Level 2 on Insane Mode to  Ghillies in the Mist trophy were gone. Azzid recounts, ”I didn’t know you could steal shit in here, I mean does he think he can sell them? They’re only worth as much as a blistered thumb and the 40 redbulls it took to get them. “

In a home not so far away psn id: WiggleJiggles shares her unnerving experience. WiggleJiggles has recently celebrated a 9 month anniversary with her long distance boyfriend Roflcoptr. “Being so far apart is hard, we thought that by sharing our Home we could feel like a real couple” says wiggles. That was until she realized Mr. Rofl was as sloppy and lazy as any guy she could meet in her own hometown. She says she would come home from a hard days work, fire up the console and see clothes on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink. “I think he’s having an affair with SexyTif too, she just suddenly appeared on his friends list recently.”

All is not well in these pixel palaces. Just we thought it was safe to escape the harsh reality outside into a virtual one of anonymity and irresponsibility, trouble showed up outside the door.

backstab

Immediately after both find Maria Santiago drained, zombified and on her last breath the heartstrings tighten with Dom’s final goodbye and misery ending bullet. What many fail to notice however is Marcus’ deep felt remorse captured in a slight cringe and sigh. Did Marcus also share a place in his heart for Maria? Surely protecting Jacinto was a top priority, but he too was eager to find the lost love after her disappearance on E-day.

Everyone knows Marcus as a ladies man. That rough guy look is sure to swoon any young lass into a night of passion only a C.O.G commando can bring. With the Dom constantly being away from home, especially in the early years Maria must have gotten lonely not unlike many military wives. And Marcus was there to fill any void.

Surely things must have ended as the two become wrought with guilt. Nonetheless, it begs the question why if anything happened did Marcus not tell his closest friend.

unrelated charge

Luckily for Niko is the presiding judge’s compassion as he told today a heartwarming story of abuse steming from his childhood in the eastern bloc with baby bottles filled with vodka and juice. She said she would drop all other charges including manslaughter, assault with a deadly weapon, money laundering, public nudity, grand theft auto, grand larseny and a slew of misdemeanors if he would check himself into a rehab center in Algonquin.

The premiere facility is host to Liberty City’s finest addicts and the staff is ready. The head orderly has this to say about Niko’s check-in, “we deal with these drunk bastards all the time, as long as he doesn’t try to screw everything he sees im sure we can whip some sense into him.”

Don’t miss our follow up feature regarding Mr. Belics success coming late this February.

Master the Chief, Mr. Mario, Niko, and Mr. Snake all have one thing in common; a life outside the grind. Wonder no more about your favorite characters after the power light goes

off. Presented here is the quintessential source for all that is gaming outside the normal realm of gaming news. No one cares about what is coming out when or who will star in the next version of Resident Evil. It’s all about the events that lead up to and trail these releases.

To quote a dear friend, “shit just got real.” This is the Real World, Where are They Now, and The National Inquirer wrapped up into something like one of those snake-sex balls seen on the Discovery channel. Only, the offspring is a pixelated bastard of misinformation and vulgarity. Stay tuned as we delve deeper into the once mysterious and unclean world of gaming whether it be on scene or through a friend of a friend’s college roommates younger brother.